I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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