new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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