I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
