Just mADE A PArabola og urine
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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