dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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