well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
