Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
