Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
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You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
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I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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