Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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