What did we do last night that was yellow?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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