my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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