i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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