I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We got so high we made milksteak
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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