Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
