I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
