so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
two words: eviction party
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
