sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
