New invention idea: vibrating tampons
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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