I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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