apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
