Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
