I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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