we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
