I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
