no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize