You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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