I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize