my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
