peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
