Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
