people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
