Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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