I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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