What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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