I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Your penis caused this!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
