watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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