haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
