i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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