Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
