Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
