Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
