I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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