Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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