Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
PANTIES FOUND
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
