it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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