Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
