Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
