how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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