When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
