dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
