You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
