I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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