And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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