Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
