I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
