just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
please come you make the beer taste better
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
