saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
