Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
