the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
