Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
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Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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