He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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