Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
