she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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