I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
